Monday, July 03, 2006

Don't Children Just Need Loving Parents?

"I don't care what you think. I am happy, I am loved. It is not wrong"

This situation can be best explained by Glenn T. Stanton and Dr. Bill Maier in their book Marriage on Trial: The Case Against Same-Sex Marriage and Parenting.
We were engaged in a public debate on the wisdom of the same-sex family in a packed meeting room on a university campus. We were making the case that it is never compassionate to intentionally form families in which children will deliberately be denied either their mothers or their father. A couple, two women, stood up at the start of the question-and answer part of the program and asked, "How in the world can you say that we cannot be loving parents? We have two sons at home, and they get all the love children in any heterosexual home receive. Perhaps even more!" The crowd roared in approval. How could we say these parents weren't loving?
Well, we said nothing of the sort. We had no reason to doubt that these two nice women love the children they are raising and that these children benefit from their love. Neither do we doubt that most parents in same-sex homes love the children they are raising.
But didn't our society say something very similar at the dawn of the failed divorce revolution? It didn't matter if mom and dad still lived together, because their children would still have two parents who love them dearly, even if from a distance. In fact, our children still hear that regularly in a little ditty sung by the kids on Barney & Friends about their parents living far from them but still loving them every day.
These parents may love their children every day, from a distance, but what we have learned from our nation's long divorce experiment is that children need their mom and dad to love them every day right there in the home. We told the two women in the debate that evening that, oddly enough, a parent's ability to love is not the most important thing for children's well-being. For scholars have come to see that the mitigating love of the parents could not erase the harmful impact that divorce wrought in the lives of children because these children didn't have their mothers and fathers involved in the daily routine of life. And the fact that the biological parent is replaced by a loving stepparent does little to make the problems better. In many important ways, it makes them worse, and a convincing wealth of social science, medical and psychological data reveals this. Likewise, how can we assume the love of two women or two men will be able to erase the harm to children by being raised apart from their mother and father? We can't.


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